Ramadhan Diary: A Short Ramadhan but It Feels So Long

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.

Raya is in few days (either next two days or three days) :)

Special for my ownself 💖

Basically this is just my own reflection. So many things happen in a month.

Azzura,

Did you remember your feeling when Ramadhan was coming?

You were so full of doubt. You doubted yourself, “Am I ready for Ramadhan?” 😕😕

Because you really felt that you’re not ready but you are so eager to meet Ramadhan. 

Because you wanted to heal. 

You really wanted to heal so much.

Azzura,

This Ramadhan taught you that healing process is not like what you think it is. 

It is not only “happy and butterflies” moments for healing. No.

It’s a combination of mixed feelings dear Azzura.

It’s a combination of happy, sad, sorrow, excitement, joy, guilt, hurt, almost broken, doubtful, and many more. 😌😌

It’s really a combination of mixed feelings.

You can feel sad 😢 in one second, and happy 😃 in another second

You can feel almost give up 😭 in one second but motivated 😆 in other second

You can feel so excited 😁 in one second but doubtful 😔 in other second

Nothing is an absolute happy or absolute sad

Nothing is an absolute good or absolute bad

It’s a combination. Really a combination. 

This is what Ramadhan taught you, dear Azzura

Azzura,

There are moments when you really don’t understand what you feel.

You really feel like you are losing yourself

I know. I know you very well, zura.

And you sometimes feel so frustrated that even you learn psychology, but it doesn’t make you understand people

How can you understand people when sometimes you can’t even understand yourself Azzura? HAHAH. 😂😂

And sometimes you feel like “I know I learn psychology. But still, I’m a human. I have feelings. How am I not supposed to feel what I feel?”

And you’re right zura. You’re human. And humans are weak.

Therefore, please always remind yourself to seek strength from Allah. 💪💪

That’s normal to feel weak. Because you are not even yours, Azzura

That is why, you always need to seek Allah’s guidance. 💕💕

To always save you from evil thoughts you have on yourself. 😠

Azzura,

Knowing you, zura. You are not a bad person. Trust me. 😎😎

You are good, though there are still A LOT of improvements you need to make on yourself to be a better person.

But, Azzura. You tried zura. You tried! 😸

Even when you fall so many times, but you did try!

How can it be called as “loser”. You don’t have strong justifications to even tell yourself as “loser” or a "failure" 😒😒

And regardless of what you think about yourself,

Do you know that you have impacted many people in a good way?

You are important zura. Never let YOURSELF tell you otherwise.

You are truly important.  😻

(I hope you understand this well)

Azzura,

This Ramadhan taught you that there are things that beyond your control

You cannot control people. 🙍

And that should not make you feel worry, that should not make you feel disappointed, that should not make you feel guilty 

So, why are you always blaming yourself for things that are not even your fault? 💆💆

You are just burdening yourself, you know?

Azzura,

This Ramadhan taught you that life is not going to be as smooth as you wanted it to be.

It’ll never be smooth. There’s gonna be challenges that you need to face.

For everything that you fight for, there always gonna be challenges.

ALWAYS. 💣💣

Unexpected things happen and you can’t stop it.

Hey, don’t you remember how passionate you are with the course you take: psychology?

But, sometimes, you do feel like you’re not going to pursue it anymore because sometimes it’s difficult?

But, you never stop. You still gonna proceed it.

You know why?

BECAUSE YOU UNDERSTAND THE REASONS.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS.

This should be applied to other aspects of life too, zura.

Knowing you, you are a person who doesn’t decide in a day.

You take into accounts many things. Therefore, when you have decided, you know that it is the best for you. So, DON’T STOP. AND FIGHT FOR IT! 💪💪

Don’t give up until people decide to give up on you.

You need to fight for it, be patient along the process like what you did with psychology.

Be patient with yourself. 👸👸

Dear Azzura,

This Ramadhan is one of the most memorable Ramadhan in your life.

Please be grateful for everything that happen even though you might not like it.

Remember, you yourself ask Allah to heal you,

And He really does with His wisdom.

Not like what you thought it would be. 

But with the way HE WANTED TO TEACH YOU.

I know sometimes you feel like you cannot take it anymore.

But, hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Just hold on. Trust Allah and believe that He'll make you go through this. 😁😁

Dan moga-moga wahai Azzura,

Hari Raya ini kau setidaknya belajar untuk menang ke atas diri kau sendiri,

Dan kau setidaknya belajar satu hal: kau manusia, bukan Tuhan.

Dan jalanilah hidupmu wahai Azzura sesederhana mungkin.

Moga kau belajar mencari imbang. Moga kau belajar menjadi hamba.

Bukankah ini doamu selalu? Untuk menjadi hamba Tuhan.

Lastly dear Azzura,

source: google

Sincerely,

Azzura. Menanti Hari Kemenangan