Assalamualaikum.
It has been so long since I write in here. I have not been writing on my blog after my graduation. Adapting process is real and it's sincerely tough ðŸ˜
Just like anyone else, after graduation, I spent several months at home hunting for jobs. It feels so dispirited that time. I really feel like I didn't do anything. As a sociable person, not having much interaction with people as much makes me feel so exhausted. At last, I decided to do volunteering + internship at SOLS Health, an NGO that provides mental health service to disadvantaged community.
Eventhough I spent 5 months there, I still feel as if I wasn't doing anything. I also don't know what was I thinking at that time. But what for sure is, I wasn't feel fulfilling. But until I reflect back, then I know I did learn many things there.
This is the list of what I have learnt there:
1) Administration and customer service skills
Alhamdulillah, I never got the opportunity to do this job. As someone who is not that organised, this skill is a step to improve myself. I did feel bored sometimes because this job doesn't really have much interaction with people. But, I guess this is an important skills in the future as well :)
2) Attending FREE psychotherapy sessions
This is one of the best experience there. It is so good to experience being in the therapy session and observe how the psychologists conduct the service. It's helpful when I told the therapist about my issues and she guided me through the process. There's one thing I remember during the session, an analogy of men in an island.
There was a man stuck in an island, waiting for a boat to rescue him. He was so anxious, keep looking at his watch, wondering when would the rescue comes? He wanted to go for work and he's already late. Then he saw another man on the island was so relax, sipping the coconut water.
He then asked the other man, "Why are you so relax? We're now stuck in this island!"
The man asked him, "Why are you so anxious?"
He said, "I'm already late for my work. You know the job pays me $500 per hour. I can't leave my job"
The man asked him again, "why do you need that much money?"
He answered, "So, later I can relax in an island while sipping coconut water"
The man said, "Isn't that what I do now?"
This story is kinda illogical like how do the man stuck in an island, right? lol. But from the story, I conclude that we as human, sometimes have this rigid kind of thinking, IF I HAVE THIS, I will be happy. We are so caught up into achieving more and more but forgot to look at the journey when what matters is the journey. And we always forgot to appreciate the present moment and overlook all the things we have now because we are too focus on getting other things.
Please do watch this video :)
3) Join Psychologist Trainees Group Supervision and Learn from Their Experience
When I was there, I got the opportunity to join their group supervision. It was like a lecture but more interactive because I got to listen to their experience handling therapy sessions. Every week, at least there's one group supervision. Learning through other's experience expands my view about life :)
Basically, these are the significant things I learnt at SOLS Health.
Great team :D
Source: SOLS Health facebook
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But that's only one part.
The other part of me feels so lonely.
The transition from university life to adulthood life feels so different.
It's not that I lose all my friends. We still keep in touch with each other. But, we lack in eye-to-eye interaction. But I really understand that life happens and everyone is busy with life. And everyone is also adapting to this new phase of life.
Whatever it is, the loneliness feeling is almost unbearable.
source: Wiffle Gif
From the loneliness feeling, everything starts to shatter. One after another.
That was the test for me at that moment. It was seriously tough.
Until that one moment, I lost hope in everything. But, that's one thing about me, even when I said I wanted to give up, I didn't. That's what makes me feel so exhausted emotionally and physically. I don't want to start ranting about my job hunting and interviews that I have attended. That's really a long story. Honestly, I spent A LOT of money for job hunting.
Here is my thought and piece of advice to anyone who hunts for a job:
It is a long and tiring journey. Sometimes, you reject the jobs offered for you. Sometimes, the jobs reject you.
And there will be people saying that you are being choosy. But, as long as you know what you want and your priority at that moment, you're good to go. You're responsible for every choice you made.
And for me, it's okay to be choosy. But, sometimes, you also need to look at your priority. If your priority is money (because it is seriously important), then you should look for jobs that offer you money. If your priority is the journey to your dream, find job that leads you to that.
Neither one of these is better than another because everyone has their own life priority and everyone is not the same 
There are either one of this:
1) You don't mind about the pay (given it's sufficient) as long as the working environment is good and you enjoy your job.
2) The environment is so-so and it's not that enjoyable but you can bear with it and the pay is high.
There's always opportunity cost for choice you made. But, try to avoid job that you don't enjoy AND the pay is low just for the sake of having a job.
All the best. And whichever path you choose, may it be the best.
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Other personal issues also contribute to the feeling of loneliness and unworthiness. That was a real hard time for me.
Worse thing is when I thought I was okay but I'm not. I thought everything is fine but it's not. I went for a travel with new people. It was good but another problem comes after the travel *sigh* And that was emotionally draining but after all, everything has settled Alhamdulillah :)
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Long story short, reflecting back, now I feel better and insha Allah, I guess everything starts to fall into place. I accepted the job which involved interaction with children and hopefully this is the path that would lead me to my dream. I'm still adapting to new place but so far, everything seems nice and good. May Allah guides me to educate this children at my best. Really need your prayers 🌷🌷
And yes, my 2018 starts on April 😂😂
Hopefully, I will keep updating my blog. Mohon rajinkan diri. Haha 😆
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