Story #2: TripKITA

Alhamdulillah. Syukur sangat ke hadrat Allah yang memudahkan perjalanan kami dari Brisbane ke Byron Bay dengan berhenti di beberapa tempat. Dengan kos yang sedaya upaya direndahkan, sungguh berbaloi dengan pengalaman yang tak mampu dibeli dengan wang.

Saya tak mahu bercerita tentang tempat yang dilawati kerana bukan semua orang berpeluang ke tempat-tempat yang Allah izinkan untuk saya pergi. Jadi, saya lebih suka bercerita tentang pengajaran sepanjang perjalanan (sebelum, semasa dan selepas)

Sebelum kami pergi ke tempat yang ingin dilawati, pastinya perlu ada perancangan yang rapi. Setelah berbincang dan dipersetujui, saya menjadi AJK logistik dan peralatan. Sungguh, saya sangat cuak bila dipilih menjadi AJK logistik kerana sejujurnya sikap yang tidak teratur dan mudah panik masih ada dalam diri saya. Tapi, Syifa' kata, "bila lagi awak nak belajar?" Memandangkan masing-masing pun sudah ada tugasan malah ada yang diberi tanggungjawab lebih berat, jadi apalah kiranya saya menjadi AJK logistik. Insha Allah, #bendabolehsettle #bendabolehbelajar

Jadi, saya belajar untuk bertenang dan senaraikan barang-barang yang diperlukan. Syukur yang tak terkira kerana sahabat-sahabat pun saling membantu. Ok, sis terharu T_T

Banyaklah benda yang Allah mudahkan. Syukur sangat.

Sebelum tiba di tempat kem, kami melawat hutan dan berjalan di "walking track" sampai ke air terjun di bawah. Sangat mendamaikan jiwa :)

Adik-adik yang omeyyy. eheh.

Tiba di tempat kem, banyaklah benda jadi, kos yang dipersetujui tiba-tiba naik mendadak sebab orang yang menguruskan berbeza dengan orang yang AJK tempat deal di telefon. Naik mendadak tu daripada $450 kepada $900++ dekat $1000. Maka, kami cuak. Alhamdulillah, Mr David, orang yang memberi diskaun untuk tempat tiba dan menghapuskan kekeliruan, malah kami dapat diskaun lagi. Alhamdulillah :)

Di kem tersebut, kami pasang khemah, masak, bual-bual dan bonding antara satu sama lain. Malam itu, kami buat campfire disertai tazkirah oleh gadis lesung pipit. Cerita sikit pasal tazkirah. Malam tersebut tazkirahnya tentang alam yang mentaati perintah Allah. Api yang tunduk taat pada Allah untuk menghangatkan badan kami yang kesejukan sambil makan marshmellow lembut. Bintang-bintang yang bertaburan di angkasa memberi satu pandangan yang cukup indah. Angin yang lembut meniup tubuh kami. Rumput-rumput yang sudi menampung kami untuk duduk. Semuanya tunduk patuh kepada Allah untuk memberi manfaat kepada kita semua. Lalu, bagaimana pula kita tunduk patuh kepada Allah?

"Hanya kepada ALLAH lah sujud (patuh) segala apa yang di langit dan di bumi, baik dengan kemauan sendiri ataupun terpaksa (dan sujud pula) bayang-bayangnya di waktu pagi dan petang hari." 

(Ar-Ra'du: 15)

Esoknya, kami bergerak seawal pukul 8 pagi dan bergerak ke Lighthouse. Kemudian, kami ke pantai dan bermain satu permainan bertajuk "Angin Bertiup". Permainan ini bertujuan untuk mencari persamaan antara kita dengan orang lain. Terima kasih Raihan untuk game yang menarik ini. Pengajarannya cukup menyentuh bilamana Raihan menyatakan bahawa dalam permainan ini kita berusaha sungguh-sungguh untuk mencari persamaan dengan orang lain supaya dapat keluar daripada  berdiri terasing di tengah bulatan. Bila difikirkan, dalam kehidupan, untuk kita masuk bersama orang lain, kita perlu mencari common ground. Teringat Dr Maszlee Malik dan Dr Hafidzi Mohd Nor dalam konvensyen #negarawan tahun lepas mengatakan, kalau persamaan itu hanya 1% sekalipun, gunakan ia untuk kita mampu bersama-sama bergerak. Masha Allah. Benar sungguh kata-kata Dr. Bayangkan, betapa banyak hati-hati yang mampu kita sentuh bila kita mampu mencari common ground berbanding perbezaan. Dengan common ground yang disepakati, maka perbezaan yang lain tidak memecahkan bahkan menjadi satu perkara yang diraikan selagi tak bertentang dengan syarak. Malah, perbezaan yang bertentang dengan syarak pula mampu untuk kita tepis dengan menegaskan prinsip Islam tanpa menyakiti kerana sudah ada common ground yang kukuh. Suka game ini! :)

housemates dan seorang kakak penyibuk. (kakak nampak macam adik :P)

bergambar di pantai. #tripKITA

Kemudian, sementara menunggu pemandu-pemandu yang cekap, kami duduk-duduk di bangku. Tiba-tiba datang pasangan suami isteri berbangsa India yang merupakan orang Malaysia. Mereka menegur kami dan mengatakan "Everywhere we go, we are proud to say that we are Malaysian. Mana-mana pergi, kita cakap kita orang Malaysia." Baik dan comel je pakcik makcik ini. Mereka datang ke sini untuk melawat anak-anak mereka selama 2 minggu. Bila berbual, baru dapat tahu, pakcik tersebut merupakan salah satu pakar psikiatri di sebuah hospital di Melaka. Nice kan? Apa lagi, bila ada common ground  (walaupun psikologi dan psikiatri ada beza tapi ada juga banyak yang sama), saya pun teruja. Banyak juga pertanyaan yang diajukan. Antara yang pakcik cerita ialah bagaimana orang kata dia crazy bila ambil keputusan untuk buat jurusan psikiatri sedangkan pada waktu tersebut tak diperlukan sangat dan belum terkenal pun jurusan tersebut (Saya pun sebenarnya nak ambil psikiatri tapi terhalang sebab orang takut saya jadi gila -___-). Bayangkan, pakcik tersebut dah 75 tahun, jadi keputusan yang dia ambil sewaktu muda itu ternyata sangat optimistik dan futuristik. Pakcik tersebut cakap, dalam negara yang sedang membangun seperti di Malaysia, kadar stress meningkat saban hari. Setiap hari, ada sahaja yang berjumpa pakar psikiatri (walaupun mungkin kesedaran itu belum meluas). Kemudian, makcik yang baik dan santun pun memberi kami nombor telefon bimbitnya dan mengajak kami datang ke rumah bila tiba di Malaysia. Mudah-mudahan dapat singgah rumah pakcik makcik yang nampak sangat muda dan sihat walaupun sudah berusia 75 tahun. Mungkin kerana emosi yang sentiasa mampu terkawal dengan baik dan sikap yang suka senyum juga santun menjadikan tubuh mereka kelihatan muda. Subhanallah. Jom senyum selalu :)

bergambar dengan pakcik makcik yang ramah lagi mesra lagi baik dan santun

Selepas itu, kami bergerak ke air terjun. Alhamdulillah, syukur ke hadrat Allah yang merezekikan kami untuk mandi di air terjun. Lama sangat dah tak pergi air terjun. Tapi, di sini saya cuak sikitlah sebab batu-batunya tajam. Adik-adik pula yang kena jaga kakak. Haha. Terima kasih Farina, Wanie, Syidah, Ika dan Farah :) Tapi Alhamdulillah, we made it to the waterfall! Seronok sangat masha Allah. Air terjun tu sejuk dan menenangkan. Cuma sakit sikitlah badan sebab rasa keras juga kena. Di air terjun ini, saya teringat satu ayat:

Kemudian setelah itu hatimu menjadi keras seperti batu, bahkan lebih keras lagi. Padahal di antara batu-batu itu sungguh ada yang mengalir sungai-sungai daripadanya dan di antaranya sungguh ada yang terbelah lalu keluarlah mata air daripadanya dan di antaranya sungguh ada yang meluncur jatuh, karena takut kepada Allah. Dan Allah sekali-kali tidak lengah dari apa yang kamu kerjakan.

(Al-Baqarah: 74)

Benar kan, di celahan batu itu, ada air yang mengalir dan air yang meluncur jatuh kerana takut akan Allah. Refleksi semula pada diri, sejauhmana kita tuduk dan taat kepada Allah. Mari mencontohi air :)

air terjun :)

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. A day spent well with these beautiful hearts. 

Jazakunallahu khayr kepada Syaz Jalil selaku ketua trip dan AJK-AJK yang terlibat (Syifa' Zameran, Nurain Yusri, Nur Afini Dini Senan, Khadijah Zakaria, Nur Raihan Maarof, Norsyairah Ashamuddin, Nurul Nazihah Nasir), tak lupa juga pemandu-pemandu yang terlibat (Nuurol Syakirah Mohd Zaki, Syahira, Wahida Amran) juga kepada adik-adik yang memberi kepercayaan kepada kami untuk trip kali ini. Terima kasih semua. 

Last word, in this warringa, we spent time together. Kuralboo my heart, you all are my koombooyana! (In this cool places, we spent time together. Deep down my heart, you all are my sweetheart!)

Moga Allah tautkan hati-hati kita semua!

Reflection #5: Moms and Babies

Assalamualaikum,

credit to: top10listland

Today I learned about Prenatal Development for PSYC2030 (Developmental Psychology) subject. The lecture was so amazing and I really loved it because there are many things I learned.

Prenatal Development is the process in which a baby develops from a single cell after conception into an embryo and later a fetus.  The lecturer started the lecture by showing us a video on how the baby is developed inside the womb. Then, she asked us, what do we notice?

So, I raised my hand and said, "we all started from almost nothing". One classmate said, "there are different things happen at different times of conception to birth". The lecturer said, "Good. Yes, we all started from almost nothing and it developed until we become who we are today. It's amazing right?" (Definitely, IT IS AMAZING) Then she added, "one more thing if you notice, the development happens so rapidly" (Oh yes. I never thought about this. But, if you think about it, it's definitely amazing because in 9 months, the organs and systems in our body developed well. It is so mind-blowing because if we were asked to create a thing that can function as a human, I think it would take like forever because we can never do that. It was just too amazing. Subhanallah, Maha Suci Tuhan yang Maha Menciptakan. *rasa nak nangis*)

Okay, by the way, why should we care about prenatal development? Of course, we should!

Read carefully okay especially those who has married and those who are not-yet-married can also take note. Hopefully, this is beneficial.

It is suggested that what happen in later life affected by what happened in early life. So, the developmental of a human started from early conception. Mom's nutrition and feelings are important in the baby's development.

So mommies out there and mommy-to-be, note that we need to eat healthy food okay. It's important for babies and of course, good for ourselves too right? Husbands also need to take note. Give your wife healthy food, okay?

Next, ensure that we have taken vaccines against germs such as Rubella and others that may affect the babies . It is advisable for women to take vaccine against the viruses before pregnant because once a woman is pregnant, doctors won't give vaccine until she delivers. Note that Rubella virus is  harmful that can lead to permanent disability (congenital rubella syndrome). So, better take steps of prevention from any unwanted consequences. Since moms always not aware of the presence of new member in their womb at the early stage, I would suggest that all married women start to eat healthy food and take prevention steps. I guess for those who have not married, we can start eating healthy food from now.

Ok, so, what happens when moms have no control over what they eat? This is so sad. It happens especially during wars or time of starvation :(

Dutch Hunger Studies revealed that malnutrition (lack of nutrition) leads to lower birth weight, more obesity, and schizophrenia. (You can google Dutch Hunger Studies if you want to know more)

I imagined how struggle the Palestinian moms to take care of the baby during the war. May Allah gives them strength. Amiin.

Finish about nutrition. Now, let's talk about stress. Do you know that mom's feelings during pregnancy do affect the baby's development? It is. So, always remember to keep calm and happy. Husbands also play an important role in giving supports to the wife. During pregnancy, the hormones fluctuate inside the women's body that creates a hormonal imbalance. It is because the body is adapting to a new situation (new person inside the womb). So, it is normal if sometimes women get more emotional and get more angry when they are pregnant. This is when husbands need to play their role. Well, just show them your love and support. They really need it. Remember, your wife carries your baby. Showing love and support can create the bond between you, your wife and the baby.
The lecturer said that moderate stressor is just right for the mom and baby because having no stress leads you to do nothing while too much stress can drive you crazy. But, we need to know how to define moderate stressors and deal with it well. We need some stress in life but make sure that it is under control. 

Ok done.

Now, what should we do if we deal with moms who show some behaviors such as smoking that obviously harmful to the fetus inside the womb?

The lecturer said, even though we know that smoking is obviously harmful to the baby, we also need to bear in mind that the woman is pregnant. So, AVOID CRITICISM. It could cause more harm because our criticism might cause more stress to the mom. Listen and respond to the mom without judging. Yes, it is quite challenging for us not to judge when we know things are obviously wrong but, for me, the fact that the mom feels guilty and want to get some advice from us show that there is goodness in her. So, provide support and understanding. Show our love and compassion. Help people to be better. It is always better to prevent than to cure. But, when things had happened, we need to find other alternatives that can help to reduce the unwanted consequences.

After all, we all want our next generation to be better and make this world a better place. Let's take care of our women and future babies :)

My final word is, I remember Sheikh Abdul Wahhab said, "Mother is the school of herself and her children. When you educate women, you educate the society."

Reflection #4 : Improve Ourselves

Assalamualaikum,

The students of PSYC2050 (Learning and Cognition) were given an assignment on self-monitoring behavior. Basically, the assignment is about analyzing our own excessive behavior (choose one behavior that we want to reduce). For instance, smoking, swearing and etc. Then, we need to define our behavior specifically. For example, for every cigarette I smoke within 2 hours after eating will be recorded as one instance of smoking. Next, we need to monitor our behavior to gather information on how to manage or treat behavior.

I think this assignment is interesting because it helps us in knowing ourselves better and try to find ways to improve. I believe that everyone has something that they really struggle to fight. Some people might be addicted to smoking, some people might find it hard to stop swearing, and etc.

I believe that some behaviors should not be started at first because once it started, it would be challenging to stop. A simple example is smoking. Smoking is an addiction. But, the thing is, some people has been smoking for 10 years, how can we simply said, "Just stop"? It would be too hard for them. So, I guess, one of the alternatives is monitoring the behavior. We should acknowledge our own self and our own capability. Start step by step.

For example, if you define your excessive smoking as smoking 2 cigarettes after eating, try to reduce it to one cigarette after eating. Record your behavior for 30-40 days and see if there any improvement. Slowly but surely, insha Allah.

However, if you find your behavior is really hard to control, consider seeking a treatment. Some addictions are too severe such as alcohol addiction, pornography addiction, drugs addiction and others. So, please consider meeting professionals.

Let us be humble to acknowledge that we are not perfect but determined enough to perfect ourselves :)

Last but not least, Allah counts our effort not accomplishment. So, don't feel bad if we are not as fast as others in improving ourselves. Try not to compare ourselves with others because we all have different struggles. Let's improve ourselves and help others :)

credit to: FB Allison Fallon 

Laskar Pelangi #2 : Syukur

Assalamualaikum,

Hari ini, kami sembang-sembang santai update cerita masing-masing sepanjang minggu. Semua orang masha Allah banyak benda yang dikongsi. Saya sangat terkesan dengan perkongsian tentang syukur.

"Kami semalam buat pancake. Tapi hangpa tau dak nak buat pancake yang cantik tu ada beberapa trial yang kami buat? Adalah dalam 3 keping pancake jadi bentuk macam-macam, dengan hangit lagi. Banyak kejadian di dapur yang orang tak tau."

"Kami pula tak cukup barang nak buat kordial. Kami guna botol untuk kacau. Ada sorang ni dia complain kordial kami tak sedap. Kami boleh je terima untuk improve tapi cara dia reaksi tu buat kami terasa sangat. *dia menunjukkan reaksi meludah sambil cakap "apa ni?!" dan gelak-gelak"

Saya hanya mendengar cerita masing-masing sebab tak berada di tempat kejadian. Diamanahkan untuk mengutip ilmu di tempat lain (insha Allah akan dikongsikan juga nanti sikit-sikit.)

Antara perbincangan kami ialah akhlak terhadap makanan. Apa yang kita faham tentang akhlak terhadap makanan selain baca bismillah sebelum makan dan alhamdulillah selepas selesai?

Saya teringat Salim A. Fillah dalam bukunya Lapis-lapis Keberkahan mengatakan betapa usaha kita untuk mendapat rezeki itu sangat kecil berbanding apa yang dilalui oleh rezeki kita untuk sampai pada kita. Contoh paling mudah ialah garam yang kita nikmati saban hari.

Untuk makan garam yang selalu digunakan dalam masakan itu hanya memerlukan kita untuk keluar bilik dan makan makanan yang dimasak orang lain (ibu, pekerja kedai dsb). Tetapi, bagaimana garam diproses untuk akhirnya sampai ke mulut kita? Sebutir garam yang ditakdirkan Allah untuk menjadi rezeki kita menemui kita dengan menempuh jalan yang dahsyat dan menakjubkan dari lautan, bergeser ke pantai, masuk ke tambak, diangkut ke kilang garam, diangkut ke sana ke mari dari satu pasar ke pasar yang lain, sampai di rumah kita, dimasak oleh ibu kita. Betapa jauh perjalanan garam itu untuk menuruti, mentaati titahnya Allah dalam rangka mengasinkan lidah kita, memberi mineral dalam darah kita.

Belum lagi cerita tentang ayam, lembu dan yang lain yang sanggup mati hanya untuk memberi zat dalam badan kita.

"Lalu, nikmat Tuhanmu yang manakah kamu dustakan?"

(Ar-Rahman: 13)

Sahabat menyambung lagi,

"Ayah saya sangat pantang kalau kita mencela makanan. Awak bayangkan, ayah saya pernah tanya seorang makcik jual nasi lemak, pukul berapa bangun untuk sediakan nasi lemak? Pukul 4 pagi lagi dah bangun. Tapi kita hanya beli berapa ringgit dan dapat nikmatinya. Sebab tu la, jangan pandang rendah pada orang yang jual makanan tepi jalan. Kita taktau apa yang dia lalui untuk buat makanan tersebut dan jual pada kita"

"Betul. Kita ni kadang sebab senang sangat dapat makanan sampai kita tak rasa pun itu satu nikmat. Senang-senang je kita nak cela kata makanan tak sedap dan sebagainya. Saya rasa, daripada kita complain, why not kita yang adjust?"

"Kann, kita ni sangat sangat detail dengan makanan yang hanya bertahan berapa jam dalam badan kita. Banyak sangat resipi dan sebagainya. Kita letak efforts banyak sangat untuk perkara yang bertahan sekejap je. Sampaikan kadang tu takda rasa bersalah pun buang makanan"

Antara akhlak terhadap makanan yang selalu kita lupa ialah tidak mencela makanan. Tahukah kita, pencelaan terhadap makanan juga selalu mengguris hati orang yang menyediakannya?

Saya sangat bersyukur bilamana sepanjang saya duduk di sini, housemates tak pernah complain makanan tak sedap dan mereka sangat menghargai apa yang kita masak dengan makan makanan yang kita masak.

Teringatlah bagaimana seorang kakak ini, beliau adjust nasi yang saya masak sebab keras. Serius, saya takda dengar pun dia marah nasi tersebut keras. Apa yang dia buat ialah adjust nasi tersebut. Dari situ, saya belajar nak masak dengan lebih baik.

Bila fikir balik, sangat berakhlak sikap begini. Betul juga, daripada kita complain, kenapa tak baiki?

Konklusinya, apa yang ingin disampaikan ialah bersyukur dengan setiap perkara dalan hidup kita. We need to start feeling grateful on small things. Do not take the blessings for granted.

Saya tinggalkan tulisan ini dengan video dari Salim A. Fillah

Laskar Pelangi #1 : Takdir

Saya merasa sangat perlu untuk saya kongsikan apa yang terkesan di hati saya dalam usrah semalam. Dah lama sebenarnya tak rasa macam ni. Selalunya datang dan balik usrah seperti biasa dan jarang sangat buat revision tentang apa yang dapat melalui usrah. Tapi, rasanya macam nak selalu share apa yang saya dapat supaya meresap sampai ke hati kerana sepatutnya Tarbiyah itu mengubah manusia menjadi lebih baik bukan merasa paling baik. 

Saya selalu keliru dengan konsep takdir. Saya mengambil masa bertahun untuk memahami apa yang dimaksudkan dengan takdir hinggalah Tuhan menghantarkan mereka untuk mengajarkan.

Pernah kak Syai memberitahu bahawa setiap sesuatu yang jadi bukanlah definitely suatu cause dan effect. Equation bukan seperti jika kita buat A, kita akan dapat B. Tidak. Sesuatu terjadi dengan izin Tuhan tidak kira baik atau buruk (pada pandangan kita). Sebagai contoh, kita accident dan patah tangan. Adakah patah tangan itu disebabkan oleh accident? Kenapa orang lain accident tak patah tangan pun?

Contoh lain, kenapa ada pasangan berkahwin yang tak dapat anak tapi yang lain dapat anak sedangkan melalui proses yang sama?

Sebenarnya banyak hal dalam hidup yang tak mampu pun kita kawal. Sesuatu terjadi kerana Allah nak ia jadi. Dan sesuatu kejadian itu jadi adalah kerana Allah nak mendekatkan kita padaNya tapi selalu kita tak nampak. (Saya faham memang susah untuk kita faham bahkan saya mengambil masa bertahun-tahun untuk faham.)

Apa yang selalu kita rasa ialah perasaan memberontak. "Kenapa perkara ini jadi dalam hidup aku?" "Kenapa aku tak dapat ini?" "Kenapa kenapa dan kenapa?"

Kita terlalu banyak mempersoalkan hal yang tidak membuahkan amal dan kadangkala membuka ruang seluasnya untuk syaitan mencucuk mengatakan Tuhan tak sayangkan kau, Tuhan meninggalkan kau, Tuhan kejam terhadap kau, Tuhan berlaku zalim terhadap kau.

Astaghfirullah. Astaghfirullah. Astaghfirullah.

Sudah berapa lama kita hafal rukun iman ada enam dan salah satunya Beriman kepada Qada' dan Qadar? Dan seberapa dalam kita benar-benar memaknai apa yang kita "imani".

Hingga akhirnya kejadian yang sepatutnya menjadi pengajaran yang Tuhan ajarkan pada kita membuahkan dendam dalam hati kita.

"Zura, dendam itu wujud apabila kita tak redha menerima setiap takdir Tuhan. Sedangkan Tuhan ingin mengajarkan kita sesuatu." -NS

Ayat yang keluar daripada mulut sang murobbi benar-benar menyentuh dan membuat saya berfikir berkali-kali.

"Berapa banyak sebenarnya hadis-hadis mengajarkan tentang berlapang dada? Berapa banyak yang kita benar-benar resapi ke hati? Kadang-kadang kita merasakan orang melakukan kesalahan kepada kita dan kita rasa marah. Tapi, sebenarnya urusan hati dan perasaan marah kita ialah urusan kita dengan Tuhan. Dan antara urusan kita dengan Tuhan juga ialah menjaga hubungan sesama manusia. Tetap kita perlu berbuat baik kepada orang yang kita rasa buat jahat pada kita. Belajar berlapang dada." -NS

Terasa hati disentuh dan ditembak berkali-kali. Lalu saya tanyakan,

"Saya minta maaf sebab selalu buat perangai dalam usrah, sakitkan hati semua orang. Semua orang maafkan saya tak?"

"Zura, urusan hati dan perasaan jangan terlalu difikirkan. Apa-apa perkara yang tak membuahkan amal tinggalkan. Hasan Al-Banna ada tulis dalam syarah usul 20. Adakah bila awak asyik fikir orang maafkan awak ke tidak akan menjadikan iman dan amal awak bertambah?" -NS-

"Ye zura. Bagi saya benda-benda remeh macamni tak bagi kesan pun la. Rilek. Takyah fikir." -AD

"Entah, saya pun rasa ni semua benda kecik je." -NR

Oh Tuhan, bagaimana boleh mereka miliki hati yang sangat lapang?

"Apa yang perlu kita buat ialah cari jalan bagaimana kesalahan-kesalahan yang kita lakukan lebih mendekatkan kita kepada Tuhan supaya ia membuahkan amal." -NS

Dan sebenarnya, memang banyak perkara yang menimbulkan konflik sangat dahsyat apabila kita tak belajar berlapang dada dan jauhkan dari sangkaan.

Contoh paling mudah ialah housemates. Setiap orang ada perangai, fikiran, perasaan masing-masing. Tapi kalau kita tak belajar untuk terima dan saling membantu untuk membaiki diri, maka ukhuwah itu boleh terputus hanya kerana hal yang remeh.

Sebagai contoh, housemate kita dah makan dan letak pinggan dalam sinki tanpa membasuh. Bagi kita benda tu tak patut dan kita bersangka-sangka. "Eh dia ni, common sense la sikit, dah makan basuhlah." Sedangkan bagi pihak dia, dia memang berniat nak basuh tapi dia tak tahan nak buang air. Bahkan dia taktahu pun hal tersebut membuatkan kita marah. Tapi apa yang kita buat ialah bersangka dan kita tak memberitahu pun pada dia bahawa kita tak suka dengan apa yang dia lakukan. Lama-kelamaan kita akan mencari alasan untuk membenarkan sangkaan kita. Ini dalam psikologi kita namakan "confirmation bias".

Kita menidakkan kebaikan yang ada pada dia hanya kerana dia lupa basuh pinggan. Kedengaran tak masuk akal dan kelakar tapi ia jadi. Ia memang berlaku.

Sebenarnya, adakah kerana dia tak basuh pinggan, ukhuwah terputus?

Tidak. Tapi, yang menjadi masalah ialah iman kita. Kita tak belajar berlapang dada dan handle masalah dengan baik. Kita kurang life skills. Kita lebih suka untuk menyalahkan daripada mencari penyelesaian.

Psychology is not about finding faults in others. It's about finding alternatives to make ourselves and others be better from each day. Let us help each other to improve ourselves day by day.

Usrah semalam benar-benar menampar dan menyedarkan diri daripada tidur yang terlalu lama. Moga Tuhan sentiasa mengajarkan kita perkara tentang hidup. Moga Tuhan sentiasa menunjukkan kita semua jalan memahami agama ini. Kadang-kadang kita merasa bahawa aqidah kita sudah sejahtera sedangkan masih ada lompong-lompong besar yang perlu kita isi. 

Story #1 : Judging

From the Reflection #2

"O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin..."

(Hujuraat :12)

I had a good conversation with my friend who is very far but close to my heart (Jauh di mata, dekat di hati gitu). We updated each other's situations and everything. And we were fighting (gaduh-gaduh manja gitu. Lol) Well, it's always happen when you got a friend who loves to talk while you are also love talking. Whatever it is, we still have a wonderful conversation like we used to have before.

"You don't understand!"

"I do understand you."

"You never know how it feels"

"And you don't know what I know."

"What do you know that I don't know?"

And finally we laughed because it's funny. This is what happen when you got a friend who always want to win and at the same time you want to win as well. Lololol.

"Okay, now let me tell you. I do understand..."

*the conversation went on...*

"Ok now, let us don't compare our struggles. You know, it's so hard to take into consideration every single thing. It's totally not good if we want to compare ourselves with others because everyone has their own opinions, behaviours, lifestyles, environments and everything is different. You know, the video I watched during PSYC2030 class is really a good reflection. Everyone is shaped by nature and nurture. Nature is what is inside us and nurture is the environment that influence us. Hmm, suddenly I feel like psychology is so hard because we deal with complex human beings. It's like no other creatures ever in this world is as complex as human. It's so tiring"

"And psychology also doesn't have any clear definition right?"

"Absolutely! Even the definition of psychology is also debatable up until now. Haih. So complex"

"Adik (she used to call me adik), kaklong (she calls herself as kaklong) thinks that you need to change your course. Haha. Look at me. At least I learn about bacteria. I don't have to deal with humans"

"Hahahah. No no no no. When you learn about bacteria, you need to learn about human too, right? You need to know how does the bacteria affects human"

*nak menang juga*

"Whatever adik. Hahha. Ok, back to our conversation. I just wanna tell you a story. You know in US, transgender is legal right?

Ok, this is a true story. There is a woman who has a very traumatic experience during her childhood. She got a father who always hit her mom. Because of love towards the husband, her mom stays. Until one day, her father hit her mom until she died..."

"Then, what happened?!"

"She grows up becoming so defensive towards herself. She lives in fear. She becomes a hateful person who always hit other people. She doesn't trust anyone. She doesn't change her gender but she behaves like a man and at the same time, she admits to people that she is a woman."

I was left speechless before continue talking.

"Hmm. That's why kaklong, sometimes we always tend to judge people when we don't even know what they have gone through. We never know that some people also have a traumatic experience during their childhood when they were sexually assaulted by their own family members. It must be horrible and really hard for them to trust anyone when they can't even trust their own family members. People only show what they wanted to show. And we always see things with our own perspectives and disregard others...

(Astaghfirullah) This is why kaklong, sometimes what is common sense to us is not a common sense to some people. We always said, 'it's common sense' but do we ever know that the way they grow up, the experience they have gone through have shaped them to be who they are today. You know kaklong, to tolerate everything in our life is sometimes unbearable. We need time for everything. Even to fight with our own self take a lifetime."

"Whatever it is adik. Allah is teaching us ikhlas throughout life experiences. Ikhlas means that you are willing to submit everything in His hands."

"But to achieve the level of ikhlas is definitely not easy."

"Of course, it's easy to say that. Even me myself also trying so hard"

It is always nice to have a conversation with her. Sharing stories about social issues, academic, sometimes politics, sometimes nonsenses (hahah) and everything are always good.

So what I learned from the conversation?

Never judge anyone until you know the whole story. Since you will never know the whole story because there are always things kept untold, it's easier not to judge. Maybe just listen and try to have empathy. And respect when people choose not to reveal their life story.

I learned this in psychology that we are all a poor judge and all people are different but the practical and theory never be the same.

So now, do you think psychology is easy? Think back. Maybe it's easy in the theory, but application is not as simple as that. I guess, same goes to other fields such as medicine, engineering, law, economics, sociology, TESL and etc.

I choose to  study psychology is to get to know myself better and to help myself first before others.

But, I really encourage people who are interested in psychology to take this course by heart because it worth learning it. We need more people to understand humans.

Reflection #3: Resilience

Yesterday, I got 3 tutorial classes (6 hours continuously) but I made it. Alhamdulillah. Hopefully, it would be great throughout this semester. Among all the 3 classes, I really love the discussion in PSYC2030 (Developmental Psychology) class.

In the class, we watched a video about resilience. There are actually many stories in one video but I remember this one story the most.

This is a true story.

There is a 5-year-old kid named Danielle. He lost his brother when he was 3 and it was hard for him to accept the reality. He's still with the imagination that his brother was still there playing with him. Day by day, he got better. He can accept the reality. A good news came. His mom was pregnant! It was a baby girl and he was really excited and eager to see his sister. But, he didn't know that his parents are getting a divorce. (okay, this part I was so emotional but still can control not to cry. But, I just couldn't control my voice saying "ALLAH". I noticed some of my classmates were staring at me.)

And yes, the parents divorced and he stayed with his mom. (I just couldn't accept the fact that the dad left the mom when she was still pregnant with a 5-year old kid. Doesn't he ever think of his children?) *angry*

Another reality hits. His mom was almost blind! (Ahhh, why this small 5-year-old kid needs to bear with harsh reality like this. Allah. So, which of your Lord's favor are you denying, Zura?)

But, Danielle grows up becoming so strong. He becomes so responsible and caring towards his mom.

Then, he was participating an experiment with several kids. The experiment aims to study on how children can control their emotion in a frustrating situation. The kids were given a box of toys and they need to choose the most favourite toy and the least favorite toy.

Next, they need to wait until they got the present. Inside the present, it was the least favorite toy that they have chosen before. Almost all the kids were so disappointed to get the least favorite toy except Danielle. He got the toy and he did not show any disappointment. He said, "oh that's okay. I'll play with this toy" and he played with it.

I was so amazed and surprised. A 5-year old kid has developed such a wonderful emotional control. The experiences he has gone through in life has made him a very appreciative person who appreciates everything in his life no matter how bad it is. In this case, he accepted his least favorite toy. 

At the end of the experiment, all the kids finally got their most favorite toys. 

I learned a lot from this video and our group has a good discussion related to the video.

Well, there're actually a lot we can learn from people every day. 

Lesson learned is to be more grateful. Be more appreciative.

_________________________________________________

"And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you (in favor); but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.'" 
[14:7]

This verse is close to my heart because it was recited by one of my usrahmates on my 19th birthday as a gift. To be a grateful servant is not easy but it is surely not impossible. May Allah always guide us in our life to always be more grateful day by day. Remember, when we feel that our tests are unbearable, there are a lot of people out there struggling so hard beyond our imagination. Be grateful and have a sweet smile. May Allah bless :)

p/s: I was thinking to share our group discussion regarding the video but maybe not now? Because this post is already long enough

Reflection #2 : Judgment

"If we are such poor judges, why aren't we more aware of our limitations? Because that, too, requires judgement, and we aren't very good at judgement" (McLean, 2015)

We are all poor judges. We can't even judge ourselves well. So, why should we bother to judge others?

In everyday life, judgment and decision makings are inevitable. In fact, everyone judges everyone. For example, when we go for a job interview, of course, the interviewer will judge us. Taking time to choose which shirt suits us everyday is also a kind of decision making. Choosing a spouse for our lifetime is also a kind of judgment and decision making. Almost everything (or maybe everything) in this world needs judgment and decision making. However, what we need to ponder is that, to what extent we should judge and make a decision?

We need to put a limit to ourselves in judging people. It is normal for us to have an impression of others and sometimes, we do judge people even though we just met that person for the first time. However, what we always need to bear in mind is that, our judgment doesn't necessarily be true because what we see on the person is what he or she chooses to show us. And, what we see on that person is just a part of them. There are a lot of things we need consider before judging such as the individual differences, circle of friends, interests, family background, religious views, etc. If we can think of this, insha Allah, we will be less judgmental.

However, the tricky part is sometimes, we don't know to what extent we should "husnudzhon" (sangka baik) and to what extent we need to help a person when we feel like something wrong somewhere. I don't even have an answer for that but what my murobbi said,

"Berlembutlah dengan orang lain tapi berkeras dengan diri sendiri". It really depends on us how do we interpret "berlembut dengan orang lain tapi berkeras dengan diri sendiri." 

We are all humans who have flaws and making mistakes is human nature. What make people different is when we know we are making mistakes, we feel the urgency to repent and improve ourselves.

Jalan taqwa itu bukan hanya satu jalan. Tapi ada banyak jalan. Pilihlah jalan mana yang kita selesa untuk menuju taqwa. Jalan taqwa itu tidak berpenghujung hingga hujungnya nafas kita. Dan tiada siapa boleh mengaku dialah yang paling bertaqwa kerana taqwa itu hanya Tuhan yang Tahu. Let Him be the judge. Just do our best in helping ourselves and others to attain taqwa together. May we all meet in Jannah.

” Hai orang-orang yang beriman, bertakwalah kepada Allah dan carilah jalan yang mendekatkan diri kepada-Nya, dan berjihadlah pada jalan-Nya, supaya kamu mendapat keberuntungan.” (5:35)