Nak Terjun tapi Taknak Mati

There was time somewhere early this year, my highschool friend tweeted :

"Rasa nak terjun tapi taknak mati"

And I suggested him to do this one extreme sport which I think is fun! 

And guess what... Now I am literally in that situation. Rasa nak terjun tapi taknak mati. 

It's like I wanna make a jump and forget that I have fears. Damn, my fear has consumed me so much. I got triggered easily and easily feel irritated. 

I want to enjoy my jump and get that adrenaline rush. 

I want to love myself again. Because after all, I am the one who lives my life. I am the one who is responsible for my feelings. I am the one who is responsible for my actions. 

I want to let go of all my fears... 

I want to let go of all the feelings that make me feel miserable...