Azzura Jafri

Ramadhan Diary: Syurga or Sugar?

Damia always have something to ask.
A curious, cute little girl.

Today, we read a book from little caliph, here is the content:

So, Damia asked,

"Teacher, what is syurga? Is it sugar?"

At first I was confused with the question. So I answered,

"yeah, syurga is syurga."

"Oh, sugar. Food?"

Then I realised, ohhhh, she meant sugar.

Before answering, I laughed first because the question was too cute 😂😂

"Damia, come here. Syurga is a beautiful place. It's like a garden. But it's too beautiful that we couldn't imagine it. Let me show you some pictures of the gardens"

Then, I googled "The Most Beautiful Garden in The World"

Here are some pictures I got:

credit: google

Damia was like, "Wahhhhhh"

"yes Damia. It is mesmerising right?"

"Yeah."

"But syurga is much more beautiful than this?"

"Does syurga bigger than this?"

"Yes. Much bigger"

"Teacher, in syurga, can we ask anything we want?"

"Yes Damia. You can ask anything you want"

"We can eat anything?"

"Yes. You can eat anything."

She was so amazed. Then she asked,

"can we change our eyes' colours?"

"You can ask for anything Damia."

"Wah, can we talk to strangers there?"

"You can talk to everyone. In syurga, there's no strangers. Everyone is a good person"

"Ohh."

"Syurga is for good people."

"Hmm.. but I'm not good enough"

"Damia, no one is good enough. But, we always try to be as good as we can"

This Ramadhan, let us all aim to be a better muslim, to attain taqwa and pray to be the one that He chooses to be with great people in Jannah.

Insha Allah.

One more thing I love about Jannah is,

Once you enter Jannah, all your pain goes away as if you never experienced it before.

Akan tetapi orang-orang yang bertakwa kepada Tuhannya bagi mereka surga yang mengalir sungai-sungai di dalamnya, sedang mereka kekal di dalamnya sebagai tempat tinggal (anugerah) dari sisi Allah. Dan apa yang di sisi Allah adalah lebih baik bagi orang-orang yang berbakti.

(3:198)

Ramadhan Diary: Disliking Myself and Recovery Process

Lately, I really don't have any idea on what's happening to myself.

I was thinking about so many things, that I couldn't even understand.

Or I understand them so well but I just feel so overwhelmed.

Because I couldn't help myself.

I was thinking about myself. I'm not good enough.

I was reflecting on my own character.

People perceived me as confident and brave.

Little that they know, I am so scared but I just try to step forward.

I try my best. My very best.

I tried to fight against any negative thoughts that kept on coming along my way.

I'm not be able to tell people what I need and what I want.

I hide my feelings. Keep it deep down to my heart.

I kept it because I didn't know how to tell.

All my worry. All the things I wanted to say but I didn't.

I wanted to talk to people I never talked before but I didn't know how to interact.

And, sometimes, I did feel like I need to stop expressing myself.

I once feel like deleting all my social media because I think like I shouldn't express.

I got angry to myself for not being able to control myself.

I got angry for not being strong enough.

I just dislike myself.

so much.

Sometimes I feel inferior with my own character

I am too confident that I made others feel uncomfortable

I am too selfish that I didn't notice the changes in others

I am too expressive that I didn't give chances for people to speak

I am drown into my own world that I didn't notice the surroundings.

And I really feel I cannot love myself

_____________________________________________________

But,

I am so grateful that Allah always have something for me

He enables me to travel to Shornecliffe for me to get some fresh air and feel the calmness.

He enables me to talk to friends about what's going on even though I won't tell everything but at least, I told.

He sent me awesome friends who really care. Truly care. And understand. And love me

(I know you girls do :))

He enables me to listen to something beautiful.

This morning, I had a conversation with my housemate.

It was so beautiful that I'll keep it in my blog.

We talked about meeting Allah and people in Jannah.

"Agaknya, macamana perasaan kita kan bila jumpa Allah kat syurga nanti? Taktau nak cakap apa. Awkward tak ye."

"Kan..kita jumpa dengan Sang Penyayang yang sayang sangat kat kita. The one who understands us inside out more than we do."

"Kita jumpa dengan Dia yang kita rindu nak tatap wajahNya. Rasa macam best pula Allah nak buat surprise pada kita kan. Kita takboleh nampak dia supaya kita rasa rindu dan nak tatap wajah Dia nanti."

"Lepastu nanti kita jumpa Abu Bakar, Umar, sahabat-sahabat semua. Mesti best bila kita cerita apa yang jadi kat zaman kita. Kita ada gadjet, social media, kereta. And kita dengar pula apa jadi kat zaman mereka."

The feeling is unimaginable.

The feeling must be so blessed.

We love each other. We listen to stories. We share stories.

Subhanallah. Best sangat.

Then this afternoon, I dated my big sister. (hey, she still consider me as her baby sister. xD)

We talked.

She gave me advices on how to improve myself.

It was helpful. She even outlined some action plans that I can do.

And it was such a relieved when at the end, she said,

"Zura, your weaknesses do not mean that you don't deserve love. We love you. I hope you notice that you also make a progression. As someone who knows you, akak saksikan yang awak cuba baiki diri awak. and I'm proud of you. I hope you know that you're an inspiration to a lot of people out there. So don't stop doing what you do. Your characters are actually a struggle for a lot of people out there. Your weaknesses just need an improvement"

At this moment, I really felt so touched.

Then, I realized, while I dislike myself, people out there are actually dreaming to be me.

When I wanted to be someone else, people are actually appreciating me the way I am.

:')

Not saying that I don't need to work on my weaknesses

Not saying that I'm perfect. No.

But, this moment I need to listen back to what I always tell people.

BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF. and don't try to be someone else.

Because our characters are unique and our characters are actually meant to complete others in our life. After all, we are all in need of each other.

And our weaknesses are meant to be acknowledged and improved in a journey to be the best version of ourselves.

Dear self,

whenever in the future that you ever feel bad about yourself,

please revisit your own writing here in this post.

I hope I can cheer you up and makes you understand that you are important in people's life.

and you should be grateful for being you.

Because you have qualities that others need.

And by acknowledging that, I hope you can reach out to a lot of people out there.

Zura, don't try to be someone else.

BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF.

I love you.

Sincerely,

Azzura (not-yet 22)

Salam Ramadhan.

Adelaide: Random Plan (2)

continue from previous post,

Day 4: Mount Lofty

After zuhr prayer, kak Aznin, kak Syam, and Yan brought me to Mount Lofty. Subhanallah, it was so pretty!🍁🍁🍁

I could see the shades of colour from red to brown. It was really capturing my eyes 😍

Mount Lofty 💞💞

kak Syam, kak Aznin, me, Yan

"Zura, Adelaide always has a place for you" - Kak Aznin

well, you girls always have a place in my heart 😊😊

Then, that night, we went to my highschool mate's house.

Well, we talked for 2 hours. You know, when you meet your highschool mate, they will literally talk about how you were back in school 😂😂.

And reminiscing the moment in high school was so funny.

I guess, if there's Sahira, it would be so many more to talk about because she knows most about me in high school. Luckily she wasn't there. hahaha. (if you're reading this, sorry Sahira 😌)

Got tired after talking for 2 hours 😂😂

___________________________________________________________

Last day: Hallet Cove and Brighton Beach

It's time to say goodbye.

That morning, before I went to airport, Kak Aznin brought me to Hallet Cove and Brighton Beach.

The scenery was s great, subhanallah.

Hallet Cove

There was a mountain there looks so mesmerizing.

It reminded me of this one verse in Al-Quran,

"Kalau sekiranya Kami turunkan Al-Quran ini kepada sebuah gunung, pasti kamu akan melihatnya tunduk terpecah belah disebabkan ketakutannya kepada Allah. Dan perumpamaan-perumpamaan itu Kami buat untuk manusia supaya mereka berfikir."

(Al-Hasyr: 21)

Then, Kak Aznin said, the mountain is huge but it only has a physical strength, while human, we are created with both physical and spiritual strength. That is the reason why, human can accept the responsibility that Allah gives to us, which is to live our life based on the Quran. Because we are the best creation.

It was such a thoughtful conversation.

Then, we also met Indonesian in Hallet Cove. They were having holidays.

Can't remember the name but the one at the right side is getting married this September.

(see, I can remember story but not the name. can anyone please teach me how to remember names? 😭)

After zuhr prayer, we went to Brighton Beach but I did not take any photo there. huhu.

I called my mom there and showed her where was I.

Bulat mata budak ni tengok aunty dia. 😹😹

Then, it's time to say goodbye.

Kak Aznin sent me to airport.

Then she said, "Janganlah sedih"

I wasn't. em, actually, I did.

Hahaha. But I didn't cry okay. Haha.

Just sad. That's normal, right? 😝

Then, kak Aznin recorded a video of me saying goodbye to akhawat Adelaide.

Insha Allah, someday we'll meet again.

As much as I love to stay at certain place, it would always be temporary.

So, may I ask you a favour?

Can I stay in your heart forever? 😊

I will just take my words from my facebook,

Hidup ini kisah tentang meninggalkan dan ditinggalkan.

Tetapi, itu bukanlah masalah.

Kerana yang lebih utama dan penting adalah bagaimana perasaan ketika meninggalkan dan ditinggalkan.

Dan perasaan saya untuk meninggalkan bumi Adelaide ini sangat bercampur-baur.

Tetapi majoriti perasannya ialah kesyukuran buat Ilahi untuk peluang ini.

Jazakunallahu khayr akhawat.

Saya tinggalkan dengan satu kata-kata IHAB,

"Orang soleh itu ke mana pun ia pergi akan meninggalkan kesan"

Dan kalian semua sungguh meninggalkan kesan yang berbekas dalam hati.

Selamat berjuang. Dan moga jumpa lagi 💐💐